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about

Mario: I wrote this for a Valentine’s Day thing at Delicious Clam. I was bold enough to ask the question: ‘what if your friend’s boyfriend was a dick who had weird bad centrist politics and only liked shit stuff like Carling and button bashing at Tekken 3?’ Mostly it reminds me of the lovely lager-fuelled Tekken 3 seshes we used to have at City Road before I got the new Mario Kart.

lyrics

Tell your boyfriend congratulations on his new job
Composing the music they play at the climbing wall
I suppose he was uniquely placed to take this role
As a self-styled historian of electro swing

I’ve read the zine he circulates in PDF
And it wasn’t so much the content that I took issue with
But I couldn’t make it to the bottom of the second page
Cause he insists on writing in alternating caps


I read your boyfriend’s Facebook post about William Blake
Coming back from the dead to be the leader of the Lib Dem’s
And reverse brexit under the condition
That sensible limits are placed on immigration

I saw his big Tim Farron back tattoo
When I bumped into him down at the pool
Treading water halfway down the medium lane
Holding forth about how we are all sinners


I heard your boyfriend cartoonishly retch
At the mention of a vegan sausage roll
Stood behind him in the queue at Greggs
Between his loud complaints that he’d been in line too long

He then refused to put his debit card
Close enough to the card reader for it to work
If it has to touch the thing then it’s not contactless
Oooooh I’d like to speak to the manager


Listen we’ve all been talking and we’d like to suggest
That you consider breaking up with him
Especially after he ruined our Tekken 3 tournament
By trying to wrestle the controller from my hands
I said ‘that wasn’t very Yoshimitsu!’
Then he threw his can of Carling at my head
You know that we love hanging out with you
But please don’t bring your boyfriend round again
No please don’t bring your boyfriend round again

credits

from Incredible Longboats: Relics 2019 - 2023, released May 5, 2023

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Soup Review Sheffield, UK

Soup Review are what happens when South Yorkshire meets South Coast, when folk tradition meets anti-folk downbeat self- deprecation.
Chris Delamere is the son of a morris dancer. Mario D’Agostino arrived in Sheffield from Weymouth.
Together they write songs that masquerade as comic, but on closer listening reveal themselves to be a deep and poignant exploration of the human condition. ... more

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